Top 10 Reasons I'm Doing This (plus one bonus reason)
Updated: Aug 28, 2022
I almost died in December from pneumonia after having been hospitalized for it twice earlier in the year. The pneumonia is caused by aspirating stomach acid which is caused while I sleep from my boobs and belly weighing down on my stomach and forcing the contents back up my esophagus.
I'm unable to stand for more than five minutes or so and can barely walk to the end of my block. I've become ungainly and clumsy, almost falling down at least once a week.
I can't find a bra to fit me that's comfortable to save my life so I wear sports bras that kill my shoulders.
I'm on 10 medications and they want me on an inhaler that costs $300 per month after insurance.
I have to wear a CPAP machine at night and my sleeping is so erratic that my husband and I can no longer sleep in the same bed.
Speaking of husbands, true intimacy is a challenge. Enough said.
For the first time in my life, I really feel unattractive. I've always been self-confident so this is a really uncomfortable feeling for me.
I've gotten a very negative attitude about the rest of my life, i.e. that I'll end up as a shut-in who's incredibly obese and won't have any friends because I won't be able to ever go out in the world.
I never had children because (a) I put it off too long and (b) I probably had PCOS due to high weight my whole life. I really regret that and it depresses the daylights out of me when I see all my friends that are my age sending their kids off to college, watching them get married, and having grandkids. This makes me fear being one of those little old ladies in the nursing home that nobody comes to visit.
Clothes. I adore fashion and I currently wear a 30/32 so I'm at the top of the typical sizes available. This means any more weight and I'm gonna have to shop at a tent and awning shop to cover myself and that sure as hell won't be fashionable.
BONUS REASON: Last year, my beloved sister died of a massive "widow-maker" heart attack at only 48 years of age, and that was after having three amputations on her foot from diabetes. Trudy would kick my ass if I let that happen to me. Seriously kick it. So I'm gonna live the rest of my life in health and joy since she doesn't get to enjoy the privilege.